The Most Basic NYE Resolutions & What They Really Mean

Every year we hear our friends and family swear that this next year will be different. They make promises to themselves that they will 100% not end up keeping. With 2014 coming to a close this month, you are bound to encounter people you know spewing some of the most repetitive NYE resolution lies. Brace yourselves.

Try not to blatantly laugh in their face when they tell you their goals for the coming year that will only last a week. At least let them think you kind of have some faith in them.

It drives me nuts when I hear people make these objectives for themselves, all the while knowing in 7 days these “goals” will fly right out the window. Just because you can still count backwards from 10, doesn’t mean you’re going to be anymore motivated for life the next day.

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“I’m going to go to the gym more”

Nope, no you are not. Going to the gym for a week straight and then stopping does not constitute you fulfilling this goal.

Realistically, if you wanted to go to the gym more, you already would have been going. Saying you’re going exercise more in the new year is the equivalent of saying, “I’ll start my diet tomorrow,” after you binge eat 5 pounds of carbohydrates and feel sad about yourself.

“I’m going to eat healthier”

Similar to the number of trips to the gym you are NOT going to make, you’re also not going to eat healthier. Don’t shoot the messenger, but you know I’m right. You’ll probably eat healthy for 48 hours after the ball drops, and then resort back to your old ways.

Go ahead and rate my blog 1 star, you’re still not going to live, sleep, eat and breathe wholefoods after this, you’re just not.

“No more one-night stands”

You know that friend who texts you endlessly about how she needs to hook up with someone new every weekend. Yet, the new year suddenly has made her want to be a born-again virgin. This is an interesting epiphany to have on a night that’s supposed to be celebrated by wearing a shirt as a dress and getting wasted.

Undoubtedly, this resolution will also last a week, a month TOPS. Until, she’s right back at it. This is fine, but quit kidding yourself and just do your thing.

“No more drama in my life”

Anyone who ever tells me they hate drama, usually ends up loving drama. If you hate it so much then why are you talking about? If you didn’t want dramatic things to happen then you wouldn’t need to make it a resolution, you’d already be living this lifestyle.

This person will be in a fight with her best friend by the end of the week, and spilling drinks on guys heads the next time she goes out.

Lying to yourself is hard work, so that could kind of count as exercising more, right?

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