If you’re reading this, let’s hope it’s not too late.
We all have those friends or maybe it’s even you, that just cannot get it together. No matter how much advice or encouragement you try to offer it just does not register that they need to seriously re-evaluate their priorities.
Watching them can sometimes feel like the equivalent of watching an 8th grader; it’s painful and you’re embarrassed to be associated with it.
If you’re a senior in college or older, I sincerely hope most of you have outgrown the tragic habits of the past. However, it seems some people just can’t shake it off. These habits enrage me because I was always taught to have it together, or at least do a good job of pretending. If you’re doing any of the following, please comment and I can definitely offer some suggestions of some excellent mental health clinicians.
1. Abbreviating EVERYTHING
PLEASE STOP THIS. No, really. Please stop. This is so painful for everyone who is forced to be around you. “OMG, that’s gorg.” It’s gorgeous, not gorg. When you say gorg it makes me think you’re referring to those over-sized vegetables or a monster.
“Obvi” instead of obviously. What is not obvious to me is why you’re using this word. It honestly kind of sounds like you’re about to say ovulation and then realize it’s awkward and stop.
2. Talking Badly About Best Friends
Hello! This is a reminder that you graduated middle school a very, very long time ago and this behavior is not acceptable. You have a problem with a friend? Talk to them about it. Calling them a list of your abbreviated mean names solves nothing. You don’t like a friend anymore? Stop being friends with them. There, problem solved.
3. Subtweeting Or Making Snide Remarks Via Social Media
There is nothing that is scarier than a person who takes to social media to try and act like a tough guy. You just look like you’re not sure how to construct a well-rounded argument. Hop off.
4. Throwing Up From Drinking
We have all had our nights, and we will still continue to have our fun but let’s do so responsibly. Yes, sometimes it’s just the wrong combo of food and drinks, or maybe you were 16 and took a whole bottle to the face behind a 7/11, but most of the time you are completely in control of how your body reacts to alcohol.
You’ve been drinking for years. You know your limits. Stop pushing them. It’s not funny anymore to be the friend puking at the bar. It’s straight up embarrassing and concerning.
5. Getting Mad At Your One-Night Stands
You know what a booty call is. You know what a casual hook up is. Please stop acting surprised when the guy you met at the sleazy bar does not call you back or suggest an evening out on the town.
Hence the “one night” in one-night stand.
6. Being Dirty
Please do your laundry and change your sheets at least once a month. Your mother would be appalled if she saw how much you don’t clean. Don’t be gross.
7. Getting High Before Important Events
If you wanna smoke that is your prerogative, but getting high before job interviews, tests or family affairs is just not okay. You’re at the point in your life where people expect to have engaging interactions with you, not just talk to a glazed over version of yourself.
8. Yelling Indoors
Shhhhh. Inside voices, guys! If you’re still screaming like an angry five year old when you’re sober and/or drunk, stop it. You’re bothering legitimately everyone.
9. Not Cleaning Up After Yourself
The amount of times my mom yelled at me to put dishes in the dishwasher is haunting and I will never forget. She was also right. Leaving dirty dishes out and letting trash pile up attracts BUGS and RATS. I’m taking a shot in the dark here, but I’m assuming you don’t like rodents and bugs so clean up. The only maid service you can afford right now is yourself.
10. Using Your Parents Credit Card
If you’re working a full time job and still charging your Uber’s on your parent’s card, you and your parents need an intervention to be scheduled.
11. Losing Cell Phones
This was funny when it happened freshman or sophomore year of college, but now you just look like a hot mess. iPhones are not cheap and you can’t justify this with, “my parents will just get me another one.” No, no they will not.
Don’t drop your phone in the toilet, leave it in a cab, or forget it at the bar. Just hold on to it.
12. Eating Poorly
Your body can only handle so many preservatives and artificial crap for so long before you actually become malnourished. Ramen noodles and PB&J sandwiches may have been fine alternatives for dinner a few years ago but now your body desperately needs vegetables, fruits and oh yeah, vitamins.
13. Spending over $100 at the bar.
If you know you can’t afford it, don’t do it. Buying people drinks is impressive in the moment. What won’t be impressive is your negative balance the next AM.