Thinking Out Loud: Stop Offering Me Your Post-Grad Advice

You’re all thinking it, so I’ll just say it: Can everyone stop asking all of us what we’re doing with our lives next year? To say it’s annoying is a very large understatement. When I’m not listening to everyone in my classes trigger their own panic attacks, I’m listening to older people try to give me one.

First of all, you are going to get a job. Sure, maybe it’s not going to be your DREAM JOB but you’re going to get one. Secondly, freaking out is solving and doing nothing (like, literally). I’m not sure why other people are so concerned with my life choices, because up until this point I think I’ve done pretty well for myself.

If you’re not my parents, can you please stop telling me what I “SHOULD” be doing? Did you write a manual or guide for this sort of thing? Did you create a “Job Searching For Dummies,” book? My guess is NO. So please refrain from offering me your anxiety and advice.

I’m not sure what it is about hearing this phrase, “This is my _________ and she/he is graduating this year,” but this statement really triggers people’s protective instincts along with a side of cynicism. Here are all the phrases people who barely know me have offered:

1. You should apply to everything and anything. You don’t get to be picky.
Yeah, I should definitely apply to things that don’t interest me, I’m not qualified for and wouldn’t be a good fit for. This makes sense to me, that is helpful.

2. You’re going to have a really hard time…
These people are clearly the psychics of the world. They’re giving out free readings!!

3. You’re traveling after? Shouldn’t you be joining the real world?
I’m sorry, does getting on an airplane to travel to another country constitute as leaving this planet and entering a different dimension? My bad, I guess I need more than a passport now.

4. Oh….are you sure you want to do that?
Uh…am I sure I want to be happy and pursue a dream? Yup, 100% positive but thanks for your kind words of discouragement. You rock, man!

5. You haven’t started applying yet? Not a good move.
OH, sorry! Did you have some unspoken, invisible deadline I was supposed to meet even though we met five minutes ago?

6. That doesn’t pay very well….
Right, because happiness = money. I always forget, lol!

I just don’t understand why people who are not my parents or close loved ones, care so much about what I’m doing? I got this far didn’t I? You certainly did not pay for my college education or overall existence; was there some hidden investment that went down or some ulterior motives you had in mind for me? I get that people might be trying to offer advice but come on, you don’t have to be discouraging about it.

Maybe we don’t get to be the pickiest when it comes to jobs but we at least get to have a say. We know we want to be passionate, interested and excited about something before getting involved and I think that’s completely fair. The only stranger who’s allowed to offer me their life advice is Ed Sheeran because he literally can’t stop thinking out loud. So if you’re not him, bye!

Social Media Climbers

Social media has made communicating the easiest it’s ever been but it’s also made for some really weird and awkward situations. Lately, I’ve noticed that there are people I’ve met in person, multiple times, who will later go on to ignore me on a regular basis. That’s fine, I assume that you suck. What the weird part about this is, is that these same people will then try to “friend” or “follow” me on social media. What are you doing? If you don’t have the common decency to say hello to me, why the hell do you think I want to let you engage with me on an even more private level?

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Yes, Facebook and all that jazz is more private than we realize. That’s where I share my personal pictures, thoughts etc. So if you have to act like you have never met me before, even though we used to sit next to each other in class, you’re straight delusional if you think I want to connect with your peasant-ass on LinkedIn.

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I really am so confused by this kind of behavior. If someone wants to pretend you are dead, why are they okay with believing you are still living on social media? This makes me think these people have serious social anxiety but most likely, these people are just a waste of time. I’m pretty positive I go to school at one of the bitchiest places on earth, and no that’s absolutely not a good thing and if you think it is get off this blog, I make fun of people like you. People at my school seem to think that they can be giant ass faces and then collect people in their online bubble to make them look more well rounded. LOL jokes on you. Not only does this make you look so absurd, you also are giving everyone a really good laugh because you, my sad friend, are not well-rounded, you’re just neurotic. This says that you can’t interact with people outside of your group of five lame friends and then everyone else thinks you’re a legit-psycho path.

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The amount of times random girls, who I had the displeasure of knowing, pretend that I am a ghost and then later try to be my friend on Facebook is insane. You are a crazy person. This is like the technological version of you having bi-polar disorder and I’m concerned for your overall well-being. So no. I definitely don’t want to connect with you on any platform ever, but it must be so impressive to them if I accept because I thought I was dead?

“So Chill”

I want to see what everyone’s thoughts are on the idea of being “so chill.” I took the liberty of looking the definition up just to make sure I had my argument correct. So here it is: “Very relaxed or easy going.” So I would never describe myself as this because I know that I’m OCD and like to make a big deal out of tiny things but I still have friends who I would describe as chill. When I say someone is chill I mean that they are very laid back and easy to talk to. I can make plans with them and they are flexible about things. Agree or disagree, because from what I’ve noticed for quite some time is that to be “so chill” means you straight up don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone and that is what makes you cool. This makes me more nauseous than my roommate last semester that should have been on hoarders . This is disturbing. The fact that our generation seems to think that being a giant shithead and having no motivation is “awesome,” is deeply disconcerting.

so chikk

so chill

Lately, people will refer to the group of guys down the hall who have been kicked out of the school for low GPAs as “so chill.” Disclosure: at this university you get kicked out for getting a D average two semesters in a row which is pretty lenient. So how the hell do you manage to suck so much? Seriously, all you had to do was show up and you could probably pass. Help yourself.  These same guys are notorious for smashing beer cans into their head and breaking beer bottles outside my window with a bat at 3 am, and yet are referred to as “so chill.” I don’t know about you but failing out of school, breaking glass on concrete and inflicting your own brain damage does not sound ideal nor does it sound cool. These guys are the type of people who bring nothing to the table. They just make huge blanket statements about everything so that all their opinions seem vague and thus everyone thinks they’re cool because they have no opinion on anything. In reality, these people are just dull and would rather not say anything to appease the world than actual say something of interest.

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These are the kind of people who you think you want to be friends with until you actually have a conversation with them (or lack there of). You’ll realize once you’re in a social setting with these people that everything you say they’ll say the opposite just to seem different. So If I say “I heard that heroin was really bad for you,” they would say “Nah, it’s actually a  lot less extreme than you’d think. My bro from home handcrafts it and it’s pretty legit.” Bye. These are also the kind of people who you ask to hang out and they will respond with, “I could be down for that” what the fuck does that even mean!? You could be down? Either you are or you are not interested in hanging out, so better to just not respond if you’re going to say something so stupid that makes it seem like you are not even sure of your own interests. Or better yet they will ask “who else is going?” If you’re so concerned with who else is going then don’t come. Hit up your heroin brewing homie from home and stay on your couch talking about how lame everyone else is except for you–cause you’re so chill.

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Lastly, these are the guys who you’ve meet at least 15+ times and yet every time you see them out, they will pretend not to know you. They will act like they have NEVER seen you before and ask you what your name is, every. single. time. they see you. It’s not chic to act like you have amnesia all the time sir, so why don’t you at least pretend to be competent for 5 seconds.  Obviously this person knows your name but don’t take it personally–they’re too distracted by their lack of self-worth, confidence, and anything intelligent to say. So chill. I once spent an entire weekend at a music festival with a guy who went to my school and a week later he asked me what my name was. If that doesn’t say emotionally rooted issues then I don’t know what does but homeboy needs to make a house call to a therapist ASAP.

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Being “so chill” is the on the same level as being “hipster” which is covered in this blog. It is also a male version of being a basic bitch which I will cover later in the week, stay tuned.